Great Marriage Advice from the 1800's

Weekly Bro Chat #78

Jan 30, 2025

I. Timeless Marriage Advice from the 1800’s

II. Video of the Week: How Love Works Differently For Women

III. Strong Man of the Week: Matthew Tirschwell

IV. Meme Dump: You’re Deported

V. Worth a Follow: Gentry Gevers

“Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.” - Franz Schubert

I still remember the moment like it was yesterday. I was sitting across the kitchen table from an older gentleman I’d met at the gym—a man in his late seventies with eyes that had clearly seen both triumph and heartbreak. He was one of those guys who carried himself with quiet authority, the kind of man you couldn’t help but respect. I had just casually asked him about the secret to his 50-year marriage.

He leaned back in his chair, sipping his coffee, and chuckled softly.

“Son,” he said, “it’s not about fancy vacations, big romantic gestures, or even having all the right answers. It’s about simple things. Stuff that most men forget until it’s too late.” He paused for a moment, looking down at the cup in his hands. “Love her more than your pride. Bend before you break. Treat her like your best friend. Those aren’t secrets—they’re just truths that men don’t always want to hear.”

That conversation stuck with me. And years later, when I came across a piece of marriage advice written by Jane Wells in 1886, I realized those same timeless truths were staring me in the face again, worded differently but just as relevant. The more I reflected on it, the more I saw how the chaos of modern life has made us forget the basics.

Let’s examine six powerful lessons from 1886 that still hold the key to building lasting love today:

These six lessons from Wells offer men a roadmap for building lasting love, backed not just by history but by modern research.

1. “Let your love be stronger than your hate or anger.”

Anger is a wrecking ball in relationships. Left unchecked, it demolishes trust, intimacy, and stability. Dr. John Gottman’s research on the “Four Horsemen” of relationships confirms this: contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling are the top predictors of divorce—and anger often opens the door for all four.

When men don’t master their emotions, conflicts escalate needlessly. One harsh word leads to another, until resentment builds walls where there should have been bridges.

Stat: Couples practicing healthy conflict resolution are 35% less likely to divorce (Journal of Marriage and Family).

Anger may be instinctual, but mastering it is manly. Channel your emotions with patience and lead with calm strength. A husband who can navigate storms with composure creates a home where love can grow.

2. “Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break.”

Compromise isn’t surrender; it’s strategy. Many men grow up equating leadership with dominance, but marriage isn’t about winning arguments—it’s about building a unified life.

Inflexibility breeds fractures. A man who digs in his heels over small matters risks alienating his wife and fracturing their partnership. On the other hand, knowing when to bend creates stability without sacrificing your core values.

Stat: 61% of married individuals say sharing chores, decisions, and responsibilities is key to marital success (Pew Research Center).

Even in traditional households, men who led effectively understood the value of listening and collaboration.

Takeaway: Leadership isn’t about being a dictator. Wise men know when to concede the small battles to win the war for a peaceful and lasting marriage.

3. “Believe the best rather than the worst. People have a way of living up or down to your opinion of them.”

Expectations are powerful. If you constantly criticize or assume the worst about your wife, she’ll feel undervalued—and resentment follows. But when you trust her intentions and express belief in her, she’s more likely to rise to the occasion.

Stat: Couples who express frequent appreciation report 30% higher relationship satisfaction (National Marriage Project).

Be your wife’s biggest supporter. Praise her, even for the small things. Assume her heart is in the right place. A wife who feels valued and supported will reflect that love and trust back to you.

4. “True friendship is the basis for any lasting relationship.”

Great marriages are built on more than romance—they’re built on friendship. Friendship is what remains when the butterflies fade and the grind of life takes center stage. Couples who are friends laugh together, face challenges together, and grow together.

Stat: Couples who view their spouse as their best friend report twice the levels of life satisfaction (American Psychological Association).

While marriages in the past were often rooted in duty, men today have the opportunity to combine loyalty with genuine camaraderie.

Takeaway: Be more than a provider—be a partner. Share hobbies, laughter, and meaningful conversations. A friendship-based marriage weathers any storm.

5. “The person you choose to marry is deserving of the courtesies and kindnesses you bestow on your friends.”

It’s ironic how often men treat their wives with less patience and respect than they show their buddies or colleagues. Civility at home shouldn’t be optional. Simple kindness and respect can transform your marriage.

Stat: A Harvard study spanning 80 years found that warmth and kindness in marriage are key predictors of long-term happiness and health.

Takeaway: Courtesy matters. Small acts of kindness—thanking her, listening without distraction, or simply showing appreciation—build a foundation of mutual respect that lasts.

6. “The more things change, the more they are the same.”

While the world has shifted—introducing challenges like social media distractions, shifting gender roles, and rising divorce rates—the core principles of a strong marriage remain unchanged: love, patience, trust, and kindness.

Modern Marriage Challenges: Why Men Need This Advice Today

High Divorce Rates: Nearly half of all marriages still end in divorce, often due to emotional mismanagement and poor communication.
The Decline of Marriage: Fewer men marry today than ever before, yet married men live longer, healthier, and wealthier lives.
Fatherless Homes: Marriage stability directly impacts children. Kids from fatherless homes are 5x more likely to experience poverty and 3x more likely to drop out of school.

A Return to Timeless Wisdom

Jane Wells’ advice reminds us that while trends change, the principles of love, respect, and self-mastery endure. A man who leads his marriage with patience, emotional control, and kindness builds not just a strong union but a legacy of stability for his family.

Did you know? Couples who regularly express gratitude are 50% more likely to stay together long-term (Greater Good Science Center).

Wisdom from 1886 proves that common sense never goes out of style. Lead with love, live with wisdom, and build a marriage that stands the test of time.

-Your Big Bro

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How to Convert a Feminist: Red Flags to Red Pill

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II. Video of the Week: How Love Works Differently For Women

Men and women experience love differently. Check out this video to help you understand the nuances - and improve your love life.

Subscribe to our YouTube Channel: *New videos added each week*

III. Strong Man: Matthew Tirschwell

Off-duty EMT Matthew Tirschwell heroically saved a man's life at Manhattan's 86th Street subway station. The man had fainted, fallen onto the tracks, and was struck by an oncoming train, resulting in the loss of his leg. Tirschwell, carrying his medical gear, including a tourniquet, quickly responded by jumping onto the tracks after ensuring the third rail was deactivated. He applied the tourniquet, effectively stopping the bleeding and stabilizing the victim until emergency services arrived. This act underscores the importance of being prepared and the profound impact of swift, decisive action in emergencies.

IV. Meme Dump: You’re Deported