Brothers, we're sailing through life's turbulent seas where waves of uncertainty crash against our steadfast ships. It's easy to feel like mere passengers, but I'm here to remind you: we are the captains of our destinies.
This isn't just poetic fluff—it's a reality grounded in the ancient wisdom of stoic philosophers and validated by modern science. In today’s newsletter, we’ll examine the power of choice and how accepting this reality can transform your world for the better, in all ways.
Control Begins in the Mind
"It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters."
- Epictetus
These aren't just words; they're a call to arms, urging you to recognize that the realm of control lies between your ears. Your perception, your reactions, your essence—they're all yours to command… even if it may feel like they’re not.
The concept of “extreme ownership” is the extension of this idea that you control how you react to everything in your world. If you accept the idea that everything is your responsibility, it will force you to be more conscious about how you think about and react to things.
Example: if you’re not getting a promotion at work, it may be easy to tell yourself that your boss doesn’t like you. That may very well be the case.
You have three choices: continue on and nothing changes, complain about it and get upset over it, or own it and take action to improve the situation. If you choose to own it, you accept that you haven’t done everything required to better your position in the company. The first logical step is to figure out ways to improve the relationship with your boss… this all begins in your mind.
The Science of Choice: Mindset Shapes Reality
Modern psychology echoes the stoics' insights, revealing the profound impact of our mindset on our emotions and experiences. A landmark study by Dr. Carol Dweck, for example, showcases how a simple shift in mindset—from fixed to growth—can dramatically alter one's approach to challenges, leading to greater resilience and achievement. Commenting on Dweck’s experiments, author Kim Armstrong notes that a growth mind-set leads to an increased likelihood of learning from mistakes.
Those with more of a growth mindset, on the other hand, believe that abilities can be developed—they are more likely to see effort as something that propels learning and to see setbacks as opportunities to build new skills.
This isn't magic; it's psychology. When you choose to view difficulties as opportunities rather than threats, your emotional response transforms, propelling you toward constructive action. If you sit back and complain about difficulties, taking a victim’s stance, you will never evolve. This is your choice and your choice alone.
Real-Life Applications: Choosing Your Course
It all sounds like a bunch of philosophical fluff until you can envision yourself in these situations, right? So, let's ground these concepts in reality. Imagine these three scenarios, brothers, and see how choice plays a pivotal role:
Scenario 1: Facing Failure at Work
Your project bombed. Criticism is flying. Old you might wallow in self-pity, but new you? You see this as a crucible for growth.
First, choose to think of this not as failure, but as a lesson. Now you know what NOT to do, which makes you wiser due to your experience.
Next, allow yourself to feel determined, not defeated. If you let this one setback sink you, how weak are you? Use the failure as fuel to do better next time.
Finally, choose to take specific actions to learn and improve. By altering your internal narrative, you change the trajectory of your career.
Scenario 2: Strained Relationships: The Free Spending Girlfriend
A rift has formed between you and a your live-in girlfriend. You’re pissed off because you believe she is “bad with finances” and her free spending habits make you feel like you’re being financially set back. Instead of choosing anger or resentment, pause. Make the choice to lead by approaching the situation with empathy and understanding.
Think: "What's behind her actions? Does she truly understand the combined budget and financial responsibilities"
If you don’t have the true answer to that question, ask her. Admit there’s probably several instances of miscommunication causing this tension.
Does she understand the budget?
Is she aware of the financial goals?
Have you given her the facts so she can understand how her actions impact the overall plan?
Did the two of you ever sit down and review the numbers together?
Are you actively keeping track of finances AND communicating things with her?
Chances are, you answered no to some of these questions.
If that’s the case, choose to communicate openly, seeking resolution. Demonstrate leadership. Accept that you haven’t done everything in your control to take the lead on home finances, and instead of letting the missteps destroy your relationship, choose to lead better.
By opting for understanding over animosity, you mend bridges and strengthen bonds. Make sure she’s wife material before going any further, though. If you’re looking for insight into a shared budget, get in touch and we will share one with you.
Scenario 3: Battling Your Demons
The demon of self-doubt whispers in your ear, telling you you're not enough. Or, the demon of desire creeps into your head, telling you that you need more (sex, alcohol, drugs, bets). Here's where you fight back. Choose to challenge these thoughts.
Shift your mindset to focus on your strengths and past successes. Allow this perspective to infuse you with confidence. Meditate on the man you’ve become, and push those overwhelming thoughts of desire aside. Choose to focus your brain on the positives.
Finally, choose actions that align with this newfound belief in yourself. Keep yourself busy with more useful and productive activities. By refusing to be your own saboteur, you open doors to untapped potential.
Embracing the Power of Choice
Each of these scenarios underscores a fundamental truth: life is a choosing world. External events may be beyond your control, but your responses are not. This realization is liberating, empowering, and transformative. It's about acknowledging the storm but steering your ship with purpose and resolve.
So, brothers, as you navigate the unpredictable waters of life, remember that the power is in your hands. Your thoughts, feelings, and actions are yours to command. By embracing the power of choice, you're not just surviving; you're thriving.
And that, my friends, is how you conquer the choosing world.
-Your Big Bro
"You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength." - Marcus Aurelius
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