Unless you end up marrying your high school sweetheart, most of us will experience the pain and insanity of a psycho girlfriend. She will make your life hell for some amount of time, while holding an inexplicably strong grip over you. This stranglehold can make it feel impossible to end the relationship, keeping you confused and off balance.
To compound the issue (and shame), your friends and family will all see what’s happening. Some have the guts to tell us, while others keep it inside. Deep down, you know everyone recognizes what’s happening between you and Harley Quinn based on how people act around her, and eventually, how people avoid being around you and her.
For many guys, this is a rite of passage. A redirection moment. Once you wise up and get the balls to end the relationship , it propels you on to bigger and better things. You suddenly know what you need from a partner, and what you won’t tolerate. You’re more confident, less hesitant, and stronger. It’s trial by fire, but you’ve escaped mostly unscathed. When the right woman comes along, you’ll know it and appreciate her.
Sadly, some guys never get to learn this lesson, nor do they experience this evolution. Instead of shedding their dead skin, it piles on them, layer upon layer, until they are old, beaten down, and have no will to fight any longer. Escaping the crazy girlfriend isn’t easy, and guys who don’t figure it out soon enough can be trapped by her forever. If you’re in this situation and don’t know how to proceed, be advised that acting sooner rather than later is in your best interest.
Gents, I know this from experience. There was a time in my life when all I attracted was psychos. Pretty soon, I will publish an e-book dedicated to the topic. More to come on this, so be on the lookout.
In the meantime, here’s some of the reasons why it’s imperative to known how and when to cut the cord before said cord gets wrapped around your neck:
She Will Break Your Spirits
While you may not recognize it while you’re in the relationship, toxic girlfriends are effective manipulators, and they can slowly chip away at your confidence. Before you know it, you’ll be convinced she’s the best you’re ever going to get, which will scare you out of even considering breaking up with her.
In reality, you’ve got Stockholm syndrome: your captor has convinced you they are what’s best for you. This whacko has snuffed out your inner light and completely overtaken you. Your self confidence is shot to hell, and you may have a difficult time ever getting it back. Good luck attracting someone of value without any confidence.
Destroy Your Relationships
The craziest psychos will try to isolate you from friends and family. They view these other ‘influences’ on you as threats to their perceived power over you. Even if your loved ones aren’t trying to convince you she’s really Medusa, in her twisted brain she thinks they are, and she will do anything to eliminate all roadblocks.
She will do things to harm your relationships and credibility with others. Or, she may just make conditions so uncomfortable for others that they will actively choose to avoid you. While most people will look past this bump in the road after you break up with her, you do risk losing friendships along the way. On top of this, you risk people losing respect for you as a man.
Bury You with a Baby
The classic screw up is making the grave mistake of impregnating this lunatic. This happens for a variety of reasons. They may have somehow become convinced a baby will help improve the relationship. If you believe that, I’ve got a bridge to sell you, too.
Sometimes this happens because as crazy as she is, she’s also super hot and fantastic in the sack, making it easy to get caught up in the moment and difficult to resist a grand finale. Or, maybe the psycho just poked holes in the condoms or lied about taking her birth control.
Either way, if you knock her up, both she and the baby will be in your life FOR-EV-ER (channeling Squints from the Sandlot). This is something you definitely don’t want. It’s too much responsibility and it’s way too final.
Have You Locked Up
And no, I’m not referring to marriage. Psycho girls have a flair for the dramatic, and will stop at nothing to make you face her wrath. This means acting out in public, calling the cops, and false accusations. I’ve seen too many good men fall for this trap, and it’ll ruin your life.
Good luck proving your case in the “me too/ believe all women” era. One false accusation could land you in jail, ruining your career, reputation and finances. Nothing if worth that, not even some good slash.
Break Your Bank
An unexpected child birth, lawsuit, or trip to prison can have a serious long term impact on your bank account and future earning potential. Once the law gets involved, the odds are stacked against you, and you’ll be paying her for quite awhile.
Consider that the median amount of child support men pay is $4,250 per year or $354 per month. Almost 18% of Fathers pay more than $9,000 per year or $750 per month. 24% of Fathers say they contribute between $5,000 and $9,000 per year; 36% of fathers said they contribute $3000 or less and 23% say they contribute between $3,000 and $5,000 per year.
On top of this, child support attorneys generally bill $100 to $500 an hour. Typically, a child support case will cost anywhere from $2,500 to $5,000, but that total can be greater if the lawyer is dealing with particularly complicated or high-conflict case. If you let this proceed any further, you better start saving your money.
Break Free at All Costs!
I know you’re afraid to pull the trigger, so keep these horror movie endings in mind when you mentally work through your decision to end the relationship with the woman plagued by red flags. While it may feel challenging, sad, or scary, the prospect of losing everything should scare you even more. Sometimes we don’t get an opportunity to escape our problems; they stay with us for the entirety of our days.
If you see daylight, make a run for it. Don’t repeat the classic horror movie mistake by running back into the haunted house. Get out while you still can; at the very least, you’ll have a great story to tell. At the very best, you’ll be the wisest, toughest version of yourself yet.
-Your Big Bro
I’m still not sure what you’re getting at. It sounds like you’re saying men are the obvious cause of any mental issues women have, so we shouldn’t ever call any of them “crazy” but instead should look to other men as models for the way we interact with women. While part of that is true (the latter), it’s definitely not the point of this post. The point of this post is to advise men to keep moving when they encounter someone who’s toxic and has the potential to ruin their life. I would never advise a young man to dig in and help her solve her mental issues, unless that young man is a doctor. I am a believer in the concept of extreme ownership - control what you can. Her mindset, mental health, behaviors are entirely her own fault. She owns them. If she decides to allow her past abuses to dictate her present mindset and actions, that’s her decision but it’s not your problem. I advise men to walk away.
Yes, women have experienced their share of abuses. But so have men. Boys are bullied, harassed, beaten, taken for granted, told to keep their feelings in. Many are sexually abused. Many are killed. Look at the statistics around violent crimes and you’ll see all you need. According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, males experienced higher victimization rates than females for all types of violent crime except rape or other sexual assault. So does this give us a green light to act any way we feel, even in a psychotic way? Does this mean a women must accept us as romantic partners, even if we are deeply flawed? No.
One of the biggest decisions a man will make in his life is choosing a partner. I advise men to take their time and never settle for less than they deserve. And if she exhibits “crazy” behavior, keep walking.
Brother, there is something powerful underneath what you're saying, about a young man's process of learning to discern who and what is healthy for him, and how engaging his agency in his own life will work to forge who he becomes. This is good wisdom, although dressed in rags.
I experienced a relationship like the ones you speak about, from age 17 to 22. She suffered eating disorders, addictions, bipolar, borderline, all of which made confetti of her sense of self. The deluge of constant trauma she experienced as a child created immense heartbreak in her. The trauma and conditioning I experienced as a boy got all tangled with hers, and we just unconsciously hurt each other, over and over again, unable to wake from the fever dream of dissociation.
I share this because I feel sad and angry when I read your advice column warning young men about 'crazy' 'psycho' women to whose strategies they may fall victim. What would drive a human to act in those ways, do you think? Put yourself in her shoes, for a moment.
As a big brother myself, and now a father, I wish for better treatment of our women, especially in how we speak about them with fellow men.
You're better than that. And some part of you, deep down, knows it.